you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize