i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't put those talents on a resume
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
