dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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