You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
