I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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