WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
birth control should be required to get into college
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
