Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
