i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
