my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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