he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
