Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
