I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
