His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
