She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
