I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
