Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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