i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
