I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
