you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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