He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
