when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
