just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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