WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
