Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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