He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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