Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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