after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize