By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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