i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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