a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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