I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
