Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
