I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
