she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
