what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
