The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
