This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
