Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.

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(850): View more from Florida

Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk

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(815): View more from Illinois

I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

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(954): View more from Florida

his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day

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(708): View more from Illinois

LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS

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