i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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