you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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