Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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