i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
