I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
