I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
