Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize