Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
