...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
