I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
