if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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