Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
