great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
