why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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