I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
