we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
