so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
