shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
