my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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