I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's like iHOP with fire
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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