Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
