Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
