I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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