Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
