I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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