why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
