So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
