I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
