I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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