dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
