this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize