I cockslap morals
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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