Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
