the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So squirting runs in the family.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
