i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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