I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
